Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Shitty Movie Night #2

So a new addition to my blog will be a weekly "shitty movie night".

This is the 2nd movie in such an idea, the first one was not documented unfortunately for you all.

The movie this week is called "Phantom Raiders" It was directed by a nobody, in 1988. It stars Miles O' Keefe as "python". It is so forgettable that i couldn't even find any relevant online info, and IMDB.com has only the director and main charecter listed.... thats pretty awesome!

The synopsis of the plot (if any) is as follows: Deep within the steaming tropical jungles of Vietnam is a Viet Cong terrorist training camp, run by an ex-Green Beret, William Marshall. A roving photographer stumbles upon the hidden camp and starts to take pictures. He is caught and summarily executed but the photos make it back to Washington. The CIA decide to send in an elite team of jungle warfare commando ninjas, the Phantom Raiders, to establish whether Marshall is a POW or has gone bad. But another element has been added to this dangerous game. One of the Phantom Raiders is Marshall's son. Now he must come face to face with the enigma that was his father. The Phantom Raiders is a non-stop film of explosive action, with enough mayhem to leave you breathless.

So can you figure out why i was drawn to it? It has Commie, viet-cong terrorists and an elite team of jungle warfare commando ninjas! Do you really need anything else?!

I would say that there is more killing in the movie then words spoken. I would guestimate the death count in the film in the upper 300's or more.. literally the whole movies is just gobs of viet-cong soldiers getting gunned down like they are helpless children by 5 "good guys" even a little boys mom is gunned down... "cause that bitch be actin up" If i were to come up with a tagline for promoting this movie it would be as follows. "Lets kill these bitches" or "porn where stuff explodes instead of sex!"

I don't have any manner to capture the dvd footage onto the computer otherwise i'd give you a snippet of what to expect.

Justin's thoughts: This is way better then modern action films.. At least they realize that people don't want to know the history of the characters, any kind of plot, much spoken words, or even love interests. They want one thing... endless amounts of killing, action from the opening credits till the end cred....... Wait.. this movie is so low budget, it doesnt even have end credits..... still... its fantastic action for 1 dollar... did i mention anywhere that it also has ninjas? i didn't? wow.. yea, well it has fuckin' ninjas man... ninjas.. do i need to say anything else? (some dumb whore gets shot the fuck up BADDDDD which made me laugh)

Kat's thoughts: The main characters look like Al borland, Jerry Garcia's brother Barry Garcia, Earl from the show "My name is Earl" and that gay guy from nsync. (they are all gay if you ask me - justin) The main character is pretty good looking (but not hot enough to let do anal -justin) they are all pretty much lousy actors, and are all easily forgettable..

(a sidenote to Kat's reaction to the movie.... Kat ALWAYS falls asleep through a movie about an hour into it, then wakes up and asks me what happened... ALWAYS. This is one of the first movies in a LONG time that i can remember that Kat didn't fall asleep during.. I think she really liked it a lot, she couldn't stop talking about how great it was)

The soundtrack in phantom raiders is on par with most average 70's or 80's porno flicks, heavy on synthesizers and drums... good rhythm for screwing or shooting apparently.

If you are ever perusing the value bins at your local dollar store, scouring the $1 DVD rack at walmart, or digging through a dumpster and come across this DVD, pick it up! The man in your life will love it.... unless hes a fag. Then get him brokeback mountain instead.

Thats my review of shitty movie night for this week! Expect a new shitty film soon.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

BURRRRNNNNNN..... The theme of my weekend.

So this weekend was good, i worked on the Jeep down at the shop on the eastern shore of maryland. We managed to replace my power steering box, do some standard preventative maintenance on the Jeep and also play around a bit with woogie.

The steering box replacement went without a hitch... until we tried to get the pitman arm off of the steering box to swap it over to the new one.. it took a 6 foot long breaker bar with a gear puller, blowtorch and sledge hammer to get it off... i couldn't believe that the puller didn't just shatter under the stress of it all...

I did have some bad news and some good news though..

The good news:

I finally got my Safari Snorkel from ARBusa. I am receiving it for a review on the part, free of charge. It is the Rolls Royce of snorkel kits for any off road vehicle(aka the 500 dollar retail price) It also happens to be one of the first ones available in the united states.(it was shipped in from good ole Australia I opened it up to get a view of the contents. Here are some pics of that process.

(by the way, the snorkel will allow me to cross water in my jeep that is as deep as my roofline. Although i doubt i will attempt to get it so deep, it is good insurance, plus it looks plain bad ass)

The box it came in :)

What's included in the kit. (note the really bad-ass jeep in the picture)

Thanks for the carefull packaging #70!

So it seems as though everything is in the kit that i needed, i will be doing the install and review next weekend hopefully. (pending the bad news below)

On to the bad news. I had what i thought was an ingrown hair on my abdomen wednesday night. Not uncommon for my hairy self. I treated it as i normally would, and expected it to be fine. Fast forward to sunday morning... (leaving out all of the wonderfully gross details) I wake up to a boil with an abcess about 2mm deep. It is oozing and disgusting and extremely painful. Not to mention that 4-5 more have formed as well. I get home from the shore, head over to Howard County General Hospital. They took great care of me, the doctor (whom was a young blonde) made it kinda awkward.. (lets just say it was cold, i was in pain and i was wearing a gown with my parts hanging out) So anyways, she injects a super-syrum and it feels like she may have filled me up with gasoline and lit a match, excruciating pain. Then she proceeds to cut the boil/etc's open and drain them. So i have tons of painful spots all over from the knee to the belly button..... (once again i will spare you) Turns out i may have MRSA which is like a virus type staph infection that will literally immobilize you if not taken care of..

A little back story on MRSA... where did it come from you ask?? Well, people use antibiotics for literally everything nowadays. This is the mutated form of a standard staph infection, which is now immune to regular antibiotics(and its extremely contagious, skin to skin...) So thanks a bunch you fuckin pussies that couldnt handle a cold for a week. You made a super bacteria because of your weakness as a human. (if you know me, then you know i rarely go to the doctor for anything, unless i'm in severe pain or dying basically)

So Dr. Mc. blondeypants gave me some feel good pills (percasets) and sent me on my way to rest up. I feel like i was set on fire and beaten up. But I'll be better soon, cause I'm not a mega-vagine like the rest of you ;-)

Oh and WORST of all... ARBusa didn't send me any stickers with my snorkel kit! Fuck. Another email will be sent out monday.

Of to drink a beer(thanks bud light), take a happy pill(thanks Dr. Mc. blondeypants) and eat some pizza.(thanks kitty) PEACEEE.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

I've been playing with the video editing software......

So i spent the last 45 mins dicking around with the Adobe Premier Elements Suite that came with my camcorder (which has pissed me off to no end, because there is no "Star Wipe" option) to try and figure out how to make my videos less or more horrible. As all other Adobe products, it is a pain to figure out, but once you get the hang of it, it seems like there is nothing you can't do.

The following video is a random, dumb video that i had shot the other night while playing with the camcorder. It is nothing special, but compared to the original video, i think the Adobe added some flair to an otherwise dull vid. I hope that you see at least a bit of progress on my part and i hope to get a better hang of it in the near future so that i may get into the nitty gritty of video making for this blog.

Here it is, in all of its Justin molested glory....... Ps. When i ripped this video from the original during editing, it lost like 80% of its quality during the process... I'll try to make it better next time, or maybe i need to actually go buy good software...

Just remember, it's your feedback that makes this stuff wayyyyy better. Tell me that my transitions need more star wipes, better music (although this was ripped at like 48kbits and sounds horrible, its just to get the hang of making stuff work right) more cowbell... whatever it may need to help me in the future.

Monday, January 21, 2008

My first Blogger blog post.....

So yea, i got a digital camcorder, its a Sanyo VPC-CG65.... hooray.. what the fuck does that mean? WELLLLL... it means that i can take hi quality videos of random crap for you all to observe and then send hate mail about due to my lack of even low budget porn editing skills. Hopefully as time goes on i will develop in a much better "ographer" that will allow you to watch my videos without taking acid or dramamine to watch them.

This video is just nonsense, there is not even an inkling of a point. I basically was just playing around with the cam and the uploading process. I have no clue how it is going to turn out. Please send me helpful or not helpful feedback on the process of making the videos easier to shoot/watch/upload/compress etc.

Oh and btw, did i mention that this camera is waterproof which allows me to wander off the 29% of area in which others can shoot from... For you retards, that means i can shoot UNDERWATER TOOOOOO... hooray. So watch the video, send me your lousy comments, and then expect some funny and or entertaining stuff once i get the hang of editing these things for your enjoyment!