Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Shitty Movie Night #2

So a new addition to my blog will be a weekly "shitty movie night".

This is the 2nd movie in such an idea, the first one was not documented unfortunately for you all.

The movie this week is called "Phantom Raiders" It was directed by a nobody, in 1988. It stars Miles O' Keefe as "python". It is so forgettable that i couldn't even find any relevant online info, and IMDB.com has only the director and main charecter listed.... thats pretty awesome!

The synopsis of the plot (if any) is as follows: Deep within the steaming tropical jungles of Vietnam is a Viet Cong terrorist training camp, run by an ex-Green Beret, William Marshall. A roving photographer stumbles upon the hidden camp and starts to take pictures. He is caught and summarily executed but the photos make it back to Washington. The CIA decide to send in an elite team of jungle warfare commando ninjas, the Phantom Raiders, to establish whether Marshall is a POW or has gone bad. But another element has been added to this dangerous game. One of the Phantom Raiders is Marshall's son. Now he must come face to face with the enigma that was his father. The Phantom Raiders is a non-stop film of explosive action, with enough mayhem to leave you breathless.

So can you figure out why i was drawn to it? It has Commie, viet-cong terrorists and an elite team of jungle warfare commando ninjas! Do you really need anything else?!

I would say that there is more killing in the movie then words spoken. I would guestimate the death count in the film in the upper 300's or more.. literally the whole movies is just gobs of viet-cong soldiers getting gunned down like they are helpless children by 5 "good guys" even a little boys mom is gunned down... "cause that bitch be actin up" If i were to come up with a tagline for promoting this movie it would be as follows. "Lets kill these bitches" or "porn where stuff explodes instead of sex!"

I don't have any manner to capture the dvd footage onto the computer otherwise i'd give you a snippet of what to expect.

Justin's thoughts: This is way better then modern action films.. At least they realize that people don't want to know the history of the characters, any kind of plot, much spoken words, or even love interests. They want one thing... endless amounts of killing, action from the opening credits till the end cred....... Wait.. this movie is so low budget, it doesnt even have end credits..... still... its fantastic action for 1 dollar... did i mention anywhere that it also has ninjas? i didn't? wow.. yea, well it has fuckin' ninjas man... ninjas.. do i need to say anything else? (some dumb whore gets shot the fuck up BADDDDD which made me laugh)

Kat's thoughts: The main characters look like Al borland, Jerry Garcia's brother Barry Garcia, Earl from the show "My name is Earl" and that gay guy from nsync. (they are all gay if you ask me - justin) The main character is pretty good looking (but not hot enough to let do anal -justin) they are all pretty much lousy actors, and are all easily forgettable..

(a sidenote to Kat's reaction to the movie.... Kat ALWAYS falls asleep through a movie about an hour into it, then wakes up and asks me what happened... ALWAYS. This is one of the first movies in a LONG time that i can remember that Kat didn't fall asleep during.. I think she really liked it a lot, she couldn't stop talking about how great it was)

The soundtrack in phantom raiders is on par with most average 70's or 80's porno flicks, heavy on synthesizers and drums... good rhythm for screwing or shooting apparently.

If you are ever perusing the value bins at your local dollar store, scouring the $1 DVD rack at walmart, or digging through a dumpster and come across this DVD, pick it up! The man in your life will love it.... unless hes a fag. Then get him brokeback mountain instead.

Thats my review of shitty movie night for this week! Expect a new shitty film soon.

1 comment:

AbrasionGrayson said...

Wow. I need to see this movie. It sounds horribly awesome.

When I was 12, I tried to make a movie about an Israeli exchange student who comes to America to live with a family where an FBI agent is the dad of the family. So the exchange student asks to go to work with the dad one day, where he tries to steal secrets. This was directly ripped off of a Simpsons episode called The Crepes of Wrath. Anyway, it sounds like my movie is Oscar material compared to the movie you're talking about.